Dorcas: Hello. Thank you for choosing Bank of America and our Online Banking Text Chat service. I’m here to assist you with your Online access. My name is Dorcas. To begin, may I know your full name and zip code as it appears on your account?
You: S**** *****************
Dorcas: Hi S****, how may I assist you with your Online access today?
You: Where does the name Dorcas hail from?
You: Besides that, I need access to online banking
You: It would appear I don’t know both my username or password
Dorcas: I understand that you forgot Online ID and passcode to access your accounts.
Dorcas: Dorcas is the name from Bible.
Dorcas: Please allow me a moment while I access your profile.
Dorcas: Thank you for waiting.
Dorcas: May I please have last four digits of the account you are trying to access?
Dorcas: Thank you for your information.
You: Are you full of good works and charitable deeds?
Dorcas: I do not see any account ending with **** listed under your profile.
Dorcas: Please confirm me the complete account number.
You: Sorry, I’m not feeling to secure on chat. Can I call a person on the phone? A real person? I still don’t have confirmation that you are full of good works and charitable deeds.
Dorcas: Please do not ask sorry.
Dorcas: We truly appreciate and understand your concerns related to Online chat security.
Dorcas: Be assured that this chat is encrypted using Secure Sockets Layer (SSL) technology. You can verify this by the little yellow lock icon in the chat window and at the right hand bottom of the screen.
You: “do not ask sorry?”
Dorcas: However, I am not supposed to disclose any personal details
You: It’s not a personal detail, per se, it’s just the description of Dorcas in the Bible
Dorcas: If you do not feel comfortable with Live Chat you can contact us directly at 1.800.792.0808. Our associates will be happy to assist you over the phone.
Dorcas: We are available 7 a.m. to 10 p.m. Monday through Friday; 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday Pacific Time.
You: I called that number and got a computer.
Dorcas: Once you call the number, the system would ask you to verify your account number. Post verification, please press 1 for problems signing in to Online Banking. Next, please press 1 for assistance regarding passcode, 2 for assistance regarding the “SiteKey’ or 3 for assistance regarding Online ID.
Dorcas: I udnerstand; I wish I could share that with you.
Dorcas: However, I cannot share the information as it is a professional chat.
You: There is still a computer talking to me
Dorcas: Please use the above IVR options.
Dorcas: Are you still with me? Please respond so I can leave this chat window open to answer any questions for you.
You: im still talking to a F*cking computer
Dorcas: Please note that Bank of America does not allow me to chat with someone in this way. Please refrain from using such language or I will be forced to end this chat.
You: i used a G*ddam asterisk
Dorcas: Okay. Please do not use such language via chat. If you have problems with sign in I will be glad to help you.
You: I got hung up on by a computer. How undignified.
Dorcas: I do not have access to phone; I am an Online Banking specialist to assist via Live chat.
You: Yes, I get that, and I’m not swe*ring at you, per se, just your g*ddam organization.
You: Sorry, G*sh D*rn
You: Weeelll, looks like I’m changing banks. Have a nice day Dorcas. You seem nice. Fuck Bank of America, though.
Last text message received Dorcas: S*****, we understand situations like the one you are experiencing can cause a great deal of frustration.