I am now in the phase of unemployment where I need to prove I’m looking for jobs. I kinda find this offensive- I’VE BEEN LOOKING- and there is a certain malaise that sets in after awhile. The vast majority of employers don’t even send you a generic email acknowledging that you sent application materials, which is frustrating when they ask for a cover letter, personal statement, resume, photo, writing sample, 12 hours of volunteer work, chilled sperm sample, letter of rec for their brother-in-law and a four hour commitment to take the SAT for their sister’s ‘cognitively challenged’ teenager.
I do apply for real jobs, but I’ve also started to apply for jobs that I could care less if I get. It breaks up the monotony and the low expectations. As evidence, I offer my most recent cover letter:
“Numushkar ( Bengali for Namaste) to you:
I understand you are looking for a Friday AM yoga instructor. I am a certified Yoga Alliance 200hr yoga teacher. I’ve taught here and there.
You’ve asked for ‘presence’ on the Web. The only Yoga presence on the web that I have is an old Yoga blog, dedicated mostly to my ambivalence about Yoga. Obviously, this was before I did teacher training, and clearly an angrier man. You can find the blog here.
While I appreciate that my take on Yoga is ‘unique’, I do believe there is room for a class entitled “Yoga for the Unenlightened”, or perhaps “Yoga for the Chakra-Skeptical” or even “It’s F*cking Yoga!” I do understand that this might offend many with a more serious take on the matter, but it I still think the idea has merit. I won’t be at all offended if you choose to ignore my application- it’s a rather controversial take, I realize- but if the notion appeals to you at all, please don’t hesitate to drop me a line.
P.S. My resume has little or nothing to do with ‘Yoga’ employment, as I have no real desire to earn my living teaching it X amount of hours a week. I simply would like to see a class like this exist.”
Whacha think my chances are? Pretty good, yes?